Dear Passive-Agressive Monster

i've struggled to make a new entry to this blog ever since "events of recent past". i feel the ever familiar melancholy of being far from home and from family this holiday season and yet surprisingly, there doesn't seem to be enough to translate into a coherent blog post. i suppose it's because i've been trying to dampen it down and not acknowledge my nostalgia in a way lest i go crazy. opening my facebook account today though and seeing a friend's status written in that usual "dear (insert whatever here)" manner he's trying to make popular (sorry friend) gave me an inspiration.

for those friends in the know, i suppose the title is a giveaway as to what i'll be writing about and to whom it's intended to. after all, my knowing her (yes, it's to a she) has come to define my whole experience here in bangkok. so here goes.

Dear Passive-Agressive Monster,

without any pronouncements to the effect, i believe we've both established the fact that we will never harbor warm fuzzy feelings for each other -- the kind you get when you attend one of those cheesy weddings and everyone goes "awww" at every little thing. that really is all well and good. after all, like i always tell my friends, we do not have to like each other. we simply had to work together. we are unnecessary evils to each other's existence so to speak.

i follow a simple rule when i interact with people -- first, do no harm. it's a doctor's mantra i know. but i find that it works for people and the relationships you want to foster as well. it translates to me not harboring any prejudices about people despite what i may have seen or heard about them (and believe me, when it comes to you, i have seen and heard enough horror stories to make annie wilkes seem like a doting grandparent) but always give people the chance to put their own foot forward and with me always never making the first toe-stepping action. and you cannot deny that i gave you that opportunity.

i have always believed, with the same almost foolish belief that anne frank had, that nobody is truly cruel for the sake of simply being cruel. people come with histories. i myself come from a whole lot of history. so i am always the person to make adjustments for how people act and respond. for the life of me though, i simply cannot fathom why you act the way you do. for once, i might have to make the exception about people simply being cruel just cause they can.

of course, all of it might simply be a manifestation at your insecurity at your obviously inferior skills and intellect. or maybe it's simply you acting out because people, even those who answer to you, harbor no respect for your authority nor for your person. but you are in a position that cannot be taken from you; after all, you are the sister of the woman whose money funds the business. every single one of those underlings who work for you or with you (myself included) can all be severed from their ties with the company and you will still be there, sitting in your chair, your laptop in front of you as it shows you the feeds of all the cctv cameras you've installed all around the office building because you are untrusting of everyone, with your hair tied in that usual ponytail, in your usual black poloshirt uniform which unfortunately only makes the dandruff in your hair more apparent. i fail to see then why you cannot just do what the usual bosses do -- let their employees and coworkers do a good job and then take credit for it.

in your infinite intellect (yes, i'm being sarcastic), what instead you do is sabotage everyone you can while you sit in your chair and watch while everyone scrambles to undo the damage you've done. whether you care to believe it or not, we are not out to get you. after all, like i said, there is less than zero chance of anyone of us usurping your position. you didn't get to that position after all because of skill or experience or tenure. you are there for the simple reason that you are blood relatives with the hand who stirs the pot. unless somebody from the workforce suddenly surfaces as a distant illegitimate child of your parents, then there isn't any real threat to your position as the queen bee in the colony. it is quite unfortunate that you don't even see that what suffers in these pre-emptive strikes of yours is the company we all work for.

the biggest tragedy in all these, however, is the fact that the owners whom you are blood-relatives to are blind to all your faults -- which, if you think about it, is yet another reason why you could have simply sat in your office and not do anything and all would still be well with you and your position. and yet the sad reality is that you could have simply been a useless tool we had to work around to get things done but instead, you chose to be the antagonist who pushes the rock two steps down the hill while we struggle on a daily basis to push it up.

on certain occasions, i find myself commiserating with myself for the situation you have invariably put me in. and yet, when i hear those stories of your travails add up to the urban legend that is you, i cannot help but breathe a sigh of relief as well. i am the product of a broken family. as such, we are not the type that breaks easily. so you will not be the one that breaks me.

whether you care to believe it or not, i actually feel pity for you instead of rage. there isn't a business so successful that will not ultimately feel the results of these things you do. harbor no illusions that this company you work for will last another 20 years like what you always boast of. when it comes down to it, you are simply a sad, incompetent, insecure woman whom nobody likes. and were it not for the fact that they all had to work with you, nobody would have probably even given you the time of day.

so i wish you well, if you can believe that. whatever issues you had growing up which made you like this, i hope you resolve it. the world is small and life is long. we will still see each other again soon.

merry xmas.

contemplating

my days have been filled lately with the mundane task of cooking.  i search the internet regularly on morning weekdays for job opportunities that are posted online and then send online applications to those that i feel might be a good fit for me.  there hasn't been any callbacks and i chalk that up to it not being good timing since it's the end of the year.  i seriously don't know though how long i can keep that up.

i called the ticket office a couple of days ago and i've been told that my ticket is still good until march 31.  i need only tell them when i want my trip rescheduled and pay them a thousand bucks for the rebooking.  i'm looking for a sign but there doesn't seem to be any.  

what to do...what to do...

Khao Yai

so we stayed for a 2 days and one night in khao yai and i only got back to bangkok today.  we were in beautiful kiri maya but there wasn't really time to enjoy the view (or pretty much anything about the place).  there was so much work to be done.  we did find time to squeeze in some test drives of our own so we took the cars out for a few spins on the track (and nope, i didn't drive.  i'm not used to the driving on the right side of the car.  besides, i don't have a license to drive here in thailand just yet.  and if i ever so much as scratch those pricey cars we sell, i'd have to work my entire contract for free! hahaha)

all in all, it was a pretty interesting couple of days.  and very very tiring.  i even learned the thai word for foot ache through this experience hahaha. we didn't stay at kiri maya for the night though.  we stayed at a hotel about 10 minutes away called the khao yai cowboy.  pretty nice place. if it were well-maintained, it would have been a lot better but it was ok.

the one weird thing that happened to me here though was that i met this thai policeman (or at least that's what he told me) who was drinking beer at the steakhouse. this was morning by the way cause i went to the steakhouse for the complimentary breakfast.  he somehow took a shine to me and kept trying to talk to me in english and all i could understand from his talk were the words philippine and mountains.  i just kept nodding along.

later, when my officemates went down for their breakfast before we had to leave and head back to kiri maya, i accompanied them to the steak house and there he was again.  and when he saw me, he actually sat with us at the table and kept talking to my officemates about how handsome i was (how creepy is that).  he even asked what room i stayed in.  and since i wasn't staying there anymore (and definitely won't be coming back to that hotel now), i gave him the room number. 

all the service ladies in the steak house were obviously a bit embarassed by his behaviour that they kept calling him away from our table on whatever false pretense they could think of but he keeps coming back anyway. at least he kept his hands to himself the whole time.

oh and another interesting thing about the khao yai cowboy -- there is a cowboy shop in the steakhouse that sells cowboy stuff.  and right across the street, you'd find a makeshift indian/native american store.  i actually bought a dream catcher. pretty cool huh. 

on the way back to bangkok, we stopped by the khao yai golf club and took some pictures.  the ones you see here are the ones i took with my trusty cellphone camera.

Khao Yai

So we travelled about 120 kilometers outside of bangkok earlier today to check out the venue of the event that we will be sponsoring tomorrow.  and can i just say, this place was spectacular.  the service people were also very attentive and the facilities manager was very helpful.  i'm not quite sure how much rates for the resort are but i'm sure it ain't cheap.

tomorrow, i get to sample it for free (well, free cause my company paid for it, and we'll be working there, so it ain't exactly a pleasure trip, but hey, i still don't need to spend anything).  the downside?  i need to wake at 4am cause i have to be at the office by 5am.  tsk tsk.  

New Chapter

I hadn't realized that this blog was still alive until I decided it was time to create a new one.  I had signed up for a wordpress account last but wasn't really keen on continuing that one.  so i thought to myself, what other free bloghosting site do i know?  blogspot! of course!

so i hurriedly typed blogspot.com on my opera browser and then it somehow led me to my dashboard.  i later realized it was because i was also signed into my gmail account so it automatically redirected me to by blog dashboard.

and so i guess it was time to resurrect this blog from the ashes -- like the proverbial phoenix rising.  after all, i do have time to kill now.  the title is befitting my current state in life too.  i truly am starting a new chapter.

after five years of working for a retail company and some of the happiest and the not-too-happy memories of what seems like a lifetime ago now, i'm literally starting over...in bangkok.  i am now on the 3rd week of my new job -- as head of marketing for the lamborghini and lotus dealer here.

this isn't my first time in bangkok.  this, i fact, is my third time to fly here.  i have always loved it.  but i found out soon enough that vacationing and actually working long-term here (and thus, settling), are two very different edges of a pole.  my filipino friends here have warned me before coming that i should bring only my third-grade english to work.  and true enough, i have had to choose only the simplest of words, the shortest of sentences and sometimes, must deliberately use the wrong grammar if i wanted to be understood.  lord, my english teachers must be turning in their grave.

i no sooner understood why a lot of foreigners maintain a blog when they move to bangkok for work reasons too -- cause you need an outlet that still underlines your english words in red when you misspell it and underlines it in green when you use the wrong grammar.  and yes, i am fully aware that i do not capitalize any of my letters here as i should. let's just chalk it up to artistic license.

but seriously, if you do not have an outlet like this, i'm scared about how my english skills are going to turn out.  consider how because of texting, people's spelling skills have not been as sharp.  i dread the day when i come home to the philippines and suddenly find myself ensconced within the confines of what we term carabao-english. 

i also now know that the other reason why people here maintain a blog is because there truly are a lot of things to be said about thai culture, the thai people, and basically trying to fit in.  some sad, some happy, some embarassing, and some downright exasperating.  when you find yourself in an office where the people that surround you speak in a foreign tongue, you kinda become alone with your thoughts and need an outlet lest you go crazy.

and so, in a bid to save my sanity (cause lord knows i'm dangerous enough as it is sane.  who knows how dangerous i will be once i give myself up to the dark side and decide to lose my sanity, teehee), let this blog rise from the ashes in bangkok!

Travels Part 1

I was able to enter the hallowed halls of Ateneo de Davao University after 3 or so years last Thursday. We were supposedly meeting with newbie debaters and help them train for the nationals -- something I also haven't done in about 3 or so years.  

We never got to do the debate training thingy (cause turns out it was exam week, something which they could have conveniently told us like hours before we were supposed to meet with them).  I did get to do one thing do...take a leak off Ateneo's CR after 3 or so years.  Fast forward to that day from the last time I actually took a leak off the CRs, and I'm surprised nothing has changed -- the CRs still stink...or at least the male CRs do.  So for those of you who think Ateneans are these cultured rich kids, don't believe it.  They don't even know how to flush.

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I am currently on my second day here in Puerto Prinsesa.  This is actually my second time here.  The first time we came, there was one thing I couldn't believe nor forget -- the airport.  Cause the land terminals were so much better in General Santos City.  I was surprised that with the influx of so many tourists here, the government couldn't even improve the airport.  It was also unfortunate that when we arrived that first time, the conveyors for the luggages were being repaired.  So we had to personally pick our luggages from those trolleys towed by the trucks. 

This second time though at least the conveyors were already working.  But when I went to get a pushcart, a porter stopped me and told me the pushcarts were the porters' personal properties and that I could only use one if I was to hire the porter who owned it.  I mean, what kind of airport doesn't have pushcarts for crying out loud?

I'm headed to the infamous Dos Palmas tomorrow.  Hopefully, that brings a whole lot of great memories.

Sleepy Cats

I promised a friend I'd send her pictures of my pampered cats. I thought I'd do myself one better by posting it here. These cats are now second and third generation cats from the original female actually owned by my landlord. We moved into the vacant room and then she sort of moved in with us. Without further ado, I present the kitties who have the run of my room.

Meet Seven, so named because of the shape of his tail. He's the singer of the group. He comes into the room and meows so loudly until you give him attention. When I arrive from the office, his normal greeting is to rise up on his hind legs, reach up and actually "climb up" to my shoulders and then jump off.

This is Kachiko, named after one of my favorite characters off the Legend of the Rings series. The name befits the cat too. Kachiko the cat has been prolific; less than two years old and already, she's given birth thrice. She's really the reason why, for a time, I actually tended to seven cats.

Tsuko. Sweet little cat. My only complaint really is that she likes to lie down on my laptop bag. Wherever I put it, she finds it. It's uncanny. I suppose she makes good use of those natural hunting skills. When I head for the office the next day, I have to make sure I dust off the bag since it will have he fur all over it.


Meet Tetsuo, again named after one of my favorite Legend of the Five Rings characters (are you sensing a pattern here?). He's one of three of Kachiko's latest litter. He's a cute little one. His favorite spot, as evidenced in this photo is the top of the fridge. Sadly though, he went out of the room one day and never came back. My landlord said he was run over by a taxi. Poor thing. This is in memory of him.

Ayame, Tetsuo's sister. Her favorite spot is the upper right corner of my bed. She's a feisty little fireball. She and Tetsuo run around the room, wreaking havoc everywhere and just when I'm about to scream my lungs out at the mess they leave in their paths, they look up at me with those puzzled little looks so I forget what it was I was angry about. She took ill and passed away last week. I'm gonna miss her.


And last but not least is Mew Two -- Two because I used to have a white and brown cat we named Mew. I must confess that he's my most favorite one of the bunch, in the same way that Mew before was the dearest one to me. He's not at all related to the others posted above. I was on my way to the gym one afternoon when I spotted him meowing near the bushes on the sidestreet. Actually, it was more like he spotted me cause when he saw me, he followed me, meowing so loudly. I was shooing him away cause I was walking in the middle of the street and I feared he might get run over but he wouldn't listen and kept following me. I had no choice then but to pick him up and carry him home. He was so small then that he fit right in the palm of my hand. Now, he's so heavy, when he walks over my chest, I grunt.

He's the sweetest little thing. He makes this odd positions when he sleeps on the floor (we joke that it's as if he's fallen from the ceiling). And while he usually roams around the village (well maybe not the entire village) after he's had dinner, he comes in through my window at around midnight and snuggles close to me and sleeps with his head tucked on my shoulder.


They say people who live with pets have lower stress levels. I suppose that's true. Taking care of someone else gives you a greater perspective and just being with them lowers your stress. After they've raised it of course for almost wrecking the house.