i've struggled to make a new entry to this blog ever since "events of recent past". i feel the ever familiar melancholy of being far from home and from family this holiday season and yet surprisingly, there doesn't seem to be enough to translate into a coherent blog post. i suppose it's because i've been trying to dampen it down and not acknowledge my nostalgia in a way lest i go crazy. opening my facebook account today though and seeing a friend's status written in that usual "dear (insert whatever here)" manner he's trying to make popular (sorry friend) gave me an inspiration.
for those friends in the know, i suppose the title is a giveaway as to what i'll be writing about and to whom it's intended to. after all, my knowing her (yes, it's to a she) has come to define my whole experience here in bangkok. so here goes.
Dear Passive-Agressive Monster,
without any pronouncements to the effect, i believe we've both established the fact that we will never harbor warm fuzzy feelings for each other -- the kind you get when you attend one of those cheesy weddings and everyone goes "awww" at every little thing. that really is all well and good. after all, like i always tell my friends, we do not have to like each other. we simply had to work together. we are unnecessary evils to each other's existence so to speak.
i follow a simple rule when i interact with people -- first, do no harm. it's a doctor's mantra i know. but i find that it works for people and the relationships you want to foster as well. it translates to me not harboring any prejudices about people despite what i may have seen or heard about them (and believe me, when it comes to you, i have seen and heard enough horror stories to make annie wilkes seem like a doting grandparent) but always give people the chance to put their own foot forward and with me always never making the first toe-stepping action. and you cannot deny that i gave you that opportunity.
i have always believed, with the same almost foolish belief that anne frank had, that nobody is truly cruel for the sake of simply being cruel. people come with histories. i myself come from a whole lot of history. so i am always the person to make adjustments for how people act and respond. for the life of me though, i simply cannot fathom why you act the way you do. for once, i might have to make the exception about people simply being cruel just cause they can.
of course, all of it might simply be a manifestation at your insecurity at your obviously inferior skills and intellect. or maybe it's simply you acting out because people, even those who answer to you, harbor no respect for your authority nor for your person. but you are in a position that cannot be taken from you; after all, you are the sister of the woman whose money funds the business. every single one of those underlings who work for you or with you (myself included) can all be severed from their ties with the company and you will still be there, sitting in your chair, your laptop in front of you as it shows you the feeds of all the cctv cameras you've installed all around the office building because you are untrusting of everyone, with your hair tied in that usual ponytail, in your usual black poloshirt uniform which unfortunately only makes the dandruff in your hair more apparent. i fail to see then why you cannot just do what the usual bosses do -- let their employees and coworkers do a good job and then take credit for it.
in your infinite intellect (yes, i'm being sarcastic), what instead you do is sabotage everyone you can while you sit in your chair and watch while everyone scrambles to undo the damage you've done. whether you care to believe it or not, we are not out to get you. after all, like i said, there is less than zero chance of anyone of us usurping your position. you didn't get to that position after all because of skill or experience or tenure. you are there for the simple reason that you are blood relatives with the hand who stirs the pot. unless somebody from the workforce suddenly surfaces as a distant illegitimate child of your parents, then there isn't any real threat to your position as the queen bee in the colony. it is quite unfortunate that you don't even see that what suffers in these pre-emptive strikes of yours is the company we all work for.
the biggest tragedy in all these, however, is the fact that the owners whom you are blood-relatives to are blind to all your faults -- which, if you think about it, is yet another reason why you could have simply sat in your office and not do anything and all would still be well with you and your position. and yet the sad reality is that you could have simply been a useless tool we had to work around to get things done but instead, you chose to be the antagonist who pushes the rock two steps down the hill while we struggle on a daily basis to push it up.
on certain occasions, i find myself commiserating with myself for the situation you have invariably put me in. and yet, when i hear those stories of your travails add up to the urban legend that is you, i cannot help but breathe a sigh of relief as well. i am the product of a broken family. as such, we are not the type that breaks easily. so you will not be the one that breaks me.
whether you care to believe it or not, i actually feel pity for you instead of rage. there isn't a business so successful that will not ultimately feel the results of these things you do. harbor no illusions that this company you work for will last another 20 years like what you always boast of. when it comes down to it, you are simply a sad, incompetent, insecure woman whom nobody likes. and were it not for the fact that they all had to work with you, nobody would have probably even given you the time of day.
so i wish you well, if you can believe that. whatever issues you had growing up which made you like this, i hope you resolve it. the world is small and life is long. we will still see each other again soon.
merry xmas.
